This is my experience: 

The absolute best gift we can give ourselves and others is to honor whatever passion, joy and truth we have in the depth of our being. To love every part as it is. To allow healing and changes as they occur within that love, to naturally happen. Ah, what treasures to behold. As an opening to a wider consciousness takes place, we may find that we are forever supported by life itself. We are the creators, first by our initiation and then by letting go. The contradictions of the universe are many. By being respectful to who we truly are, by honoring what we promise ourselves and others, virtues holding any soul to a high standard, is a privilege. Not a standard of a "high horse", but a place of love. Honesty and integrity are tools on such a journey. The light inside may then be brought forth, so all else can fall away. In the shadow of our being may we love love love, not only in the light. May forgiveness be the door we walk through, to find what is hidden within such a blessed act of Grace.

All is here, in this moment of existence. All is here.

As advice is given in a moment of openness, the best way to receive it (in my experience) is to listen carefully, but not take the words literally. Instead, let them inspire. Let the words bring the best out of our own expression. It means meeting another soul on equal ground. The ego can diminish as our soul is free to speak from such inspiration, brought to the forefront by the truth of another. A truth, by the way, that is the same at the ultimate core, only different in its outer form. 

Everyone is a student and a teacher, for the journey of life is one of learning and sharing. Leaders will see leaders in the eyes of those following them. Followers will be touch not only by the strength, but by the vulnerability and honesty of any leader who have overcome their need to dominate, and found a way to truly serve. 

We are different, yet the same. We have different ways to contribute, through the depth of our heart, our skill, passion and joy. As we recognize such expression, in ourselves and others, the steep walls of separation may fall away. Helping us, meeting as one.

And so, beyond the outer edges of body and mind, revealing the infinite, the ego may find the courage to step aside. Surrendering, like leaves to the current, opening itself to a wider depth. Light can then lead the way. Rose pedals, red like the color of love, filling the spaces in between. Forever equal, magnificent and tender, it's time to fully celebrate,

and come home. 

To live a life of constant surrender, is an act of Grace. To follow the passions of heart. To let go of all effort. To just turn up in life. It requires much of the ego yet very little of the soul.  

Integrity is needed, and openness. Without courage, it is hard. Without willingness, impossible. Without love, probably doomed. 

When action comes from inspiration, rather than strive, much can be done with such ease. To allow emotions fully is a path to a glorious state of forgiveness. A birthright every woman and man came to this earth with. 

And so a life of inner peace can evolve and deepen. Not as a constant. Not as a rule. But as a core of each experience. Involved, passionate and completely alive, naturally spreading to others around.

Moments of sunshine, making my day. Remembering, oh remembering, to move slowly. All in the knowledge that whatever needs to happen, will do so. If I don't strive so hard. If I don't attempt to be in control of it all. I understand that if it is created in my mind, all I have to do is relax, allow and follow. To effort cost too much, but it is tempting. So tempting. The body tells me the pace as my mind tries to race ahead. Because life has a way of unfolding, so beautifully, if I let it. As the intentions are clear. As my heart is open and free.

In the wake of a most wonderful, hugely transformational week in India, I find myself resting in a place of surrender and joy. I have done a lot of inner healing in my life. I've had many major breaks and experiences of letting go, on quite a few occasions actually. Only this time I feel I cracked an inner game that I have been very reluctant to look at. Guilt, shame, fear, all combined, has been forced up, protecting and shielding me from feeling and exposing what I so needed to release. Then again, I see a pattern. Last time in India I dealt (very deeply) with father issues - the masculine side of me. This time, it is the feminine. Softening. Nurturing. Dealing with core parts of myself. And to have Peter there was such a blessing. He opened like a flower in his own processing, which was beautiful and humbling to see. 

What a gorgeous soul/man I am married to. 

One of the illusions I found was my strange inner belief, very tucked away, that I am not worthy of receiving the best, an emotion triggered very acutely by us finding our new home here in Wanaka two years ago. For a while, when we first moved in, I thought there must be a catch, just to realize that this wasn't the case at all. It was just to open and receive. For all of us. We had manifested our dream home, as simple as that. That is all there is to it. 

Now, here comes the interesting part. What this illusion turned into was now when we've got this, everything else has to be perfect, too. I didn't phrase these words per say, but in retrospect I can see that the images I constantly projected onto any situation, was that. Whatever happened had to match the creation of our "perfect home." What stupid crap!!! Well, I caught myself in it, began to understand why I've felt so low and down in the mornings for many months. What a pressure to be under, resulting in a sense of failure if I (and other members of my family) didn't live up to this. I apologized to Peter in front of the whole group in India for all the times I have blamed him. I cried. I have also talked to the kids, in ways that works for them. What a tremendous relief. Peter received the apology with such Grace, sending a apology back to me for his ways of detachment, what he knew had happened for him to avoid openness. 

Now, sitting here writing, this illusion feels completely blown to pieces. The thing is, a few years ago I wouldn't even have known it was there. I may have sensed it, but not known it like I do now. Projecting my inner hurt onto the outside world is easy, at any point. To own issues and fully face them takes time, courage and a certain amount of willpower. I honor myself for not giving up. I honor Peter for jumping into the unknown with me every time I have suggested it, despite him resisting it at the time. 

How wonderful life is. Harmony, joy, passion and love, is now in its wake. Not to mention a deep sense of freedom. I am aware of the fact that I may feel some of these emotions again. Life is like that. Then again, I also know that I don't have to buy into them. They don't have to run my life anymore. Not in any shape or form. They can just move through, every single time. That, in my experience, is the true power of living in freedom. 

Finally. The gratitude. The deep deep gratitude I feel for daring to trod along the path of self-discovery, opening and healing...well, it is immense. It's not just skimming on the surface, but a way of moving forward even when I think I'm done. Because the Journey and opening continues. More and more freedom is available with every step I take. Living with awareness demands this. That I keep seeking. That I evolve. This is the beauty. It's not always easy (damn, is it not!) but always always rewarding. When an issue has been fully felt - dealt with - forgiven - let go of, what is left in its wake is this. A sense of just being.

Life is an absolutely treasure, each and every moment. 

Thank you so much for listening - Hugs, Jeanette