I understand that we have our individual obstacles to overcome in life. Somehow we seem to come in with particular issues to master and they are reinforced and repeated until we do so. 

One challenge for me personally is to say no, set boundaries and be clear. Therefore I have often attracted people who push my boundaries, use me even, which is never a pleasant thing. I've learned a lot around this already and I'm proud to say that I've come a long way in this regard. Then again, there's more. 

Money is always a touchy subject and the other day I asked someone for money back. An old loan, not addressed for years due to this person's inability to pay me. She failed to fulfil our initial agreement due to lack of funds and I didn't want to be pushy at the time. Then suddenly both our situations have changed. We, our family, have to be more careful with finances now. Having our new place, with three growing kids, horses, chickens, gardens, land and all, it means that things are a little tougher financially. We're not in a crises, but need to watch our spending and be smart with our money. The other change is that I know for a fact that this person has funds now. Surprised that this wasn't addressed her end I decided to ring her, but paying me back was quite clearly not a priority of hers. When I asked I was met with bitterness, blame and frustration. 

Waow. It hurt. I'm disappointed. Well, call me naive, but I have quite high morals when it comes to promises and agreements. I know I will be paid this money, which I should have been years back, but I may loose a friend. I feel taken for granted and hope this is not the case, of course, but we'll see. Still, I have to stand up for myself. If someone doesn't respect me better, I guess it wasn't a true friendship anyway. 

To me money is energy and this energy has to flow in and out in the correct way. To honor our word shows character and self-respect, which is more essential than money itself. 

This is what I'm cultivating right now, sort of the hard way.

Happy Thursday everyone! Jeanette

Yesterday I stood in the kitchen, chatting to my son Anton. He's fifteen years old, nearly sixteen. Then suddenly (and it really was quite sudden) I had a vivid and very clear flashback of him being around three - exploring the world, climbing trees, being the curious intense child that he was. Waow. I actually shivered at the memories, out of joy and awe mainly. And I looked at him long and hard, and said (what I assume many parents have done in the past): "How the heck did you grow up so fast?" He smirked and looked at me, sort of blankly at first, but then a particular smile I recognise appeared, in the very corner of his mouth. This is a gesture which means he is happy. He feels loved when he does that. Mothers know such things, I guess. Then for a moment time stood still or perhaps the seconds swirled too fast, I don't know, because I saw before me how he used to run with a giggle on the grass at home, barefoot on short little legs. I saw him lie on the couch drinking out of his bottle at night, slowly falling asleep. 

And then it all went. 

I looked again at this tall adolescent being who in all truth can be quite challenging to deal with at times, but also it is someone I admire. He has become a person in his own right, a brave and clever youngster with the heart in the right place. It just made me smile at myself, for all those times I thought I had failed as a parent.

I clearly remember being fifteen myself. Reminded of all the crazy things we did then, in my desperate search for myself, I shivered yet again. I thought that despite being a bit lazy and a madman at times (in particular on his downhill bike) this boy of ours somehow seems more sensible than I was. Or am I judging myself? In all honesty, being fifteen for me was fun, but oh so confusing. With all the so called threats of media and so forth today - things our youth are into that we weren't - I also feel that perhaps he is better prepared, in particular on an emotional and mental level. Or so I hope. In any case, today I celebrate all my three children and the incredible honour of being their parent.

My boy is becoming a man

I have not written here for sometime. Life's been busy. Good things, challenging things. Healing has taken place and much has come and gone. As a soul in a body I feel somewhat confused by the intense collective energy right now, waves of shifts and transformation hitting the planet and humanity with an unforgiving force. However, I also feel super clear. The path ahead is one of light. It may not seem so, but I believe much will change as enough souls trusts the power of heart. Not to say our shadow self is to be ignored. Rather the opposite. Doubt, fear, sadness, anger, delicate pieces of ego fragments needing to by be met and felt, but not acted upon. With a world full of so many challenges on so many different levels, I sense this undercurrent force, our own, bringing light to the very core of our existence. Naturally done by all those who embrace life in such a way, it may help peace to spread as we join together. Anyone can be part of this, if they so choose. And many are. By taking care of our thoughts, emotions and actions clear intentions can emerge, serving a larger purpose by us being true to ourselves. "To be of value", what a wonderful mantra to follow on this journey called life. To find and do what we truly love and share it around, often becomes this valuable act. Isn't is high time to care more for one another and bring balance to all of life, on this beautiful planet?  

Want to have little to do so I can do the things I really want to do, and it's happening. Creating the life I want, step by step. Daily tasks get done with more ease, the things I don't enjoy so much. I set aside time for the things that make me thrive. I love my family. I'm married to the perfect man for me. This is about my creativity. My juice, my spark, my inspiration. I wouldn't be able to embrace it f I didn't have family around, which is ironic. It means less time for being creative, but it is great the way it's set up. This is the life I wish for my kids as well. Not my journey, but theirs. I hope they find their sparks, over and over again. I hope they'll be filled with inspiration, to do what they're really passionate about. I hope they take responsibility for it to unfold, too, which, I have learned, is a big key. Co-creators as we all are, no one makes us live a life we don't want to live. To embrace our gifts may take courage, because it may seem that there's no money in it. Depends what it is, of course, but it may be the situation for some. Then again, to have a job year in and year out that makes a person miserable, it's not an option for those who wants to live a life of being fully alive. Seeking opportunities means being alert, not lazy. Finding our way means staying open, not stuck in fear. The heart will lead the way so the mind can make it happen, and the soul can naturally flourish.

This is my thought for today.

Imagine if we are created in the image of our greatest self, and that this part is what we on earth call God!? Not necessarily a religious God. For some it can be, but it's not what humans has created in terms of fighting others in the name of their God (whatever name is used for it). What if we all are an aspect of this ultimate light and love. Connected to a divine spark, alive in the very core of our soul. What if, if we stop and listen carefully to our heart, we will find a sense of peace, connected to something much larger than our small self. We may sense that we are part of a bigger picture, understanding that perhaps we have chosen this life we live right now. To learn. To grow. To develop as beings. Then, when our life is over, we may find ourselves in the eternal vastness once again, a place of home in which we dwell and evolve after we have passed over. What if we could see that we are part of this vastness all the time? If we healed enough to nourish one another rather than fight others for what they believe, then perhaps we can begin to experience harmony on this earth. No one has to believe what I have written above, not by a long shot. But if you accept, if you have the integrity and compassion to see others for what and who they are (and see yourself in the same manner) then you already know the power of love. I feel the other side. The light, the angels, at times I sense loved ones who have passed over. My experiences speak for themselves, therefore I believe it to be true. In the end of the day, though, what matters most is how we treat one another, how we treat ourselves, the animals and this beautiful planet we live on.

Honor your journey and honor the journey of others, and in that, I believe, we can find peace. 

Sitting here still
comfortable
before this fire
twirling flames of promise
a soothing warmth
beyond the roles I play
I am embraced
I am held
by silence
I am complete
and free
in vastness
in an ocean of waves
in this
only here
breathtaking
easy
easier than being involved
no needs
no demands
only this
the light of home
in this moment
with the angels
ready?
for what?
I dive within
conscious
and feel love
because...

There's a point in the core of the belly, sort of below the belly button and inward, that I've been very aware of lately. After the intense and deeply healing seminar I attended in February this year, with the specific theme of "visionary leadership", I felt energy shift through the emotional healing I went through, resulting in a wider opening of this precise area of my body. This opening has become wider since then and what I'm experiencing now, daily, is downright amazing. Like a profound connection to the universe as a whole, while still being a tiny tiny speck in the vastness of it all.

Watching the movie "Interstellar" brought me there, as well as yesterdays journey process where my awareness went straight to this point. Anyone who've gone through a physical journey knows about the part when "the vehicle moves through the body." Mine went straight to the belly and was quickly brought into a rapid spin, in a sort of fast moving spiral. Quite intense, I must say. As it slowed down I saw an opening. A strong image of the night's sky, filled with stars, appearing before my inner eye in a still, yet vivid way. Next minute I was part of it, feeling one with what I saw. A rubber band held me back, though, until I could clear the old emotion, from 3 months of age, which was actually my father's emotions, feelings of unworthiness that I unknowingly had taken onboard. Forgiveness came about and the letting go that followed was subtle, but strong (if that makes sense). What a wonderful contradiction. 

Then today, funny enough, I came across an article about that exact point in the body. In the article it was called "the brain in the belly", explaining it as a link to wider and deeper wisdom and also to our inner gut feeling. It had a name in Japanese, hara I believe it said (or something close to that). It also said that in the Japanese culture, when there's a sense of knowing, often they point to the stomach (this part) not their head.

Interesting. Very interesting. And so the inquiry continues...