I understand that we have our individual obstacles to overcome in life. Somehow we seem to come in with particular issues to master and they are reinforced and repeated until we do so. 

One challenge for me personally is to say no, set boundaries and be clear. Therefore I have often attracted people who push my boundaries, use me even, which is never a pleasant thing. I've learned a lot around this already and I'm proud to say that I've come a long way in this regard. Then again, there's more. 

Money is always a touchy subject and the other day I asked someone for money back. An old loan, not addressed for years due to this person's inability to pay me. She failed to fulfil our initial agreement due to lack of funds and I didn't want to be pushy at the time. Then suddenly both our situations have changed. We, our family, have to be more careful with finances now. Having our new place, with three growing kids, horses, chickens, gardens, land and all, it means that things are a little tougher financially. We're not in a crises, but need to watch our spending and be smart with our money. The other change is that I know for a fact that this person has funds now. Surprised that this wasn't addressed her end I decided to ring her, but paying me back was quite clearly not a priority of hers. When I asked I was met with bitterness, blame and frustration. 

Waow. It hurt. I'm disappointed. Well, call me naive, but I have quite high morals when it comes to promises and agreements. I know I will be paid this money, which I should have been years back, but I may loose a friend. I feel taken for granted and hope this is not the case, of course, but we'll see. Still, I have to stand up for myself. If someone doesn't respect me better, I guess it wasn't a true friendship anyway. 

To me money is energy and this energy has to flow in and out in the correct way. To honor our word shows character and self-respect, which is more essential than money itself. 

This is what I'm cultivating right now, sort of the hard way.

Happy Thursday everyone! Jeanette

Yesterday I stood in the kitchen, chatting to my son Anton. He's fifteen years old, nearly sixteen. Then suddenly (and it really was quite sudden) I had a vivid and very clear flashback of him being around three - exploring the world, climbing trees, being the curious intense child that he was. Waow. I actually shivered at the memories, out of joy and awe mainly. And I looked at him long and hard, and said (what I assume many parents have done in the past): "How the heck did you grow up so fast?" He smirked and looked at me, sort of blankly at first, but then a particular smile I recognise appeared, in the very corner of his mouth. This is a gesture which means he is happy. He feels loved when he does that. Mothers know such things, I guess. Then for a moment time stood still or perhaps the seconds swirled too fast, I don't know, because I saw before me how he used to run with a giggle on the grass at home, barefoot on short little legs. I saw him lie on the couch drinking out of his bottle at night, slowly falling asleep. 

And then it all went. 

I looked again at this tall adolescent being who in all truth can be quite challenging to deal with at times, but also it is someone I admire. He has become a person in his own right, a brave and clever youngster with the heart in the right place. It just made me smile at myself, for all those times I thought I had failed as a parent.

I clearly remember being fifteen myself. Reminded of all the crazy things we did then, in my desperate search for myself, I shivered yet again. I thought that despite being a bit lazy and a madman at times (in particular on his downhill bike) this boy of ours somehow seems more sensible than I was. Or am I judging myself? In all honesty, being fifteen for me was fun, but oh so confusing. With all the so called threats of media and so forth today - things our youth are into that we weren't - I also feel that perhaps he is better prepared, in particular on an emotional and mental level. Or so I hope. In any case, today I celebrate all my three children and the incredible honour of being their parent.

My boy is becoming a man

I have not written here for sometime. Life's been busy. Good things, challenging things. Healing has taken place and much has come and gone. As a soul in a body I feel somewhat confused by the intense collective energy right now, waves of shifts and transformation hitting the planet and humanity with an unforgiving force. However, I also feel super clear. The path ahead is one of light. It may not seem so, but I believe much will change as enough souls trusts the power of heart. Not to say our shadow self is to be ignored. Rather the opposite. Doubt, fear, sadness, anger, delicate pieces of ego fragments needing to by be met and felt, but not acted upon. With a world full of so many challenges on so many different levels, I sense this undercurrent force, our own, bringing light to the very core of our existence. Naturally done by all those who embrace life in such a way, it may help peace to spread as we join together. Anyone can be part of this, if they so choose. And many are. By taking care of our thoughts, emotions and actions clear intentions can emerge, serving a larger purpose by us being true to ourselves. "To be of value", what a wonderful mantra to follow on this journey called life. To find and do what we truly love and share it around, often becomes this valuable act. Isn't is high time to care more for one another and bring balance to all of life, on this beautiful planet?  

Want to have little to do so I can do the things I really want to do, and it's happening. Creating the life I want, step by step. Daily tasks get done with more ease, the things I don't enjoy so much. I set aside time for the things that make me thrive. I love my family. I'm married to the perfect man for me. This is about my creativity. My juice, my spark, my inspiration. I wouldn't be able to embrace it f I didn't have family around, which is ironic. It means less time for being creative, but it is great the way it's set up. This is the life I wish for my kids as well. Not my journey, but theirs. I hope they find their sparks, over and over again. I hope they'll be filled with inspiration, to do what they're really passionate about. I hope they take responsibility for it to unfold, too, which, I have learned, is a big key. Co-creators as we all are, no one makes us live a life we don't want to live. To embrace our gifts may take courage, because it may seem that there's no money in it. Depends what it is, of course, but it may be the situation for some. Then again, to have a job year in and year out that makes a person miserable, it's not an option for those who wants to live a life of being fully alive. Seeking opportunities means being alert, not lazy. Finding our way means staying open, not stuck in fear. The heart will lead the way so the mind can make it happen, and the soul can naturally flourish.

This is my thought for today.

Imagine if we are created in the image of our greatest self, and that this part is what we on earth call God!? Not necessarily a religious God. For some it can be, but it's not what humans has created in terms of fighting others in the name of their God (whatever name is used for it). What if we all are an aspect of this ultimate light and love. Connected to a divine spark, alive in the very core of our soul. What if, if we stop and listen carefully to our heart, we will find a sense of peace, connected to something much larger than our small self. We may sense that we are part of a bigger picture, understanding that perhaps we have chosen this life we live right now. To learn. To grow. To develop as beings. Then, when our life is over, we may find ourselves in the eternal vastness once again, a place of home in which we dwell and evolve after we have passed over. What if we could see that we are part of this vastness all the time? If we healed enough to nourish one another rather than fight others for what they believe, then perhaps we can begin to experience harmony on this earth. No one has to believe what I have written above, not by a long shot. But if you accept, if you have the integrity and compassion to see others for what and who they are (and see yourself in the same manner) then you already know the power of love. I feel the other side. The light, the angels, at times I sense loved ones who have passed over. My experiences speak for themselves, therefore I believe it to be true. In the end of the day, though, what matters most is how we treat one another, how we treat ourselves, the animals and this beautiful planet we live on.

Honor your journey and honor the journey of others, and in that, I believe, we can find peace. 

Sitting here still
comfortable
before this fire
twirling flames of promise
a soothing warmth
beyond the roles I play
I am embraced
I am held
by silence
I am complete
and free
in vastness
in an ocean of waves
in this
only here
breathtaking
easy
easier than being involved
no needs
no demands
only this
the light of home
in this moment
with the angels
ready?
for what?
I dive within
conscious
and feel love
because...

There's a point in the core of the belly, sort of below the belly button and inward, that I've been very aware of lately. After the intense and deeply healing seminar I attended in February this year, with the specific theme of "visionary leadership", I felt energy shift through the emotional healing I went through, resulting in a wider opening of this precise area of my body. This opening has become wider since then and what I'm experiencing now, daily, is downright amazing. Like a profound connection to the universe as a whole, while still being a tiny tiny speck in the vastness of it all.

Watching the movie "Interstellar" brought me there, as well as yesterdays journey process where my awareness went straight to this point. Anyone who've gone through a physical journey knows about the part when "the vehicle moves through the body." Mine went straight to the belly and was quickly brought into a rapid spin, in a sort of fast moving spiral. Quite intense, I must say. As it slowed down I saw an opening. A strong image of the night's sky, filled with stars, appearing before my inner eye in a still, yet vivid way. Next minute I was part of it, feeling one with what I saw. A rubber band held me back, though, until I could clear the old emotion, from 3 months of age, which was actually my father's emotions, feelings of unworthiness that I unknowingly had taken onboard. Forgiveness came about and the letting go that followed was subtle, but strong (if that makes sense). What a wonderful contradiction. 

Then today, funny enough, I came across an article about that exact point in the body. In the article it was called "the brain in the belly", explaining it as a link to wider and deeper wisdom and also to our inner gut feeling. It had a name in Japanese, hara I believe it said (or something close to that). It also said that in the Japanese culture, when there's a sense of knowing, often they point to the stomach (this part) not their head.

Interesting. Very interesting. And so the inquiry continues...

What has come up a lot for me lately, are strong messages of the power and ability to stop. It's spoken of within the work that I do. It seems to pop up elsewhere. Stopping is not collapsing or giving up in any way, but a feeling of a complete pause. The sensation is felt in the core of my torso, like a dazzling stillness, a clear sense of no movement at all. It's not an empty moment, not by far, but a highly alert one. Including the so often busy mind, this stillness seem to firmly calm all thought. 

As the soothing breath finds the pulse of my heart, I remain a little longer than anticipated, just to find an opening. Reminding me of flower petals, ready and ripe, the one I am may carefully open to the light. Leaving fears and inner games behind, I quietly thrive. Freedom may walk in, like a loved one who never actually left. Joy may arise, a strong sense of oneness overwhelming my senses. Sitting with someone in this way, as they perhaps experience intense emotions, is no less than divine. The embrace, carrying a delicate mystery of existence itself, seem to naturally serve the moment. Not by doing, but by simply being. It's like a space in between, a moment of no time in which all acceptance and potential lies. Much bigger than the being I am, it appears to expand out. To all that is. Tentacles of life's greatness, always reaching every corner. If I allow them. This is my direct experience. Words can gently float in and out of this stillness, away from the thinking mind, a direct connection to a deeper part of the soul. Healing becomes simpler from here. There's room to move, to flow, to let go. The exquisite power of being fully present, the only place from which we truly exist, carries a truth of that precise moment. 

The invitation to stop is whispering. In the midst of life's busyness, it's calling me. Home to myself, to the universe and every living being there is. Vibrating beautifully with life, there really is only now.

A dialogue between people has two conversations. Rarely do they connect as one, but as they do, what is said is aligned with the truth of that moment. This may happen in both listening and sharing, as opinions and agendas fall away. In the first scenario words may arise from a need to fit in, please, control, conform, impress, connect, suppress, dictate, judge, win, gain, give, support, nourish or lead. Phew. The ego has so many places to land. Our deeper voice is not like that. It comes from a vast place of presence. From there, we may share from our emotions or from direct insight, as a current experience of a larger awareness, not from our limited ego. Tears can flow, anger can arise, laughter can fly wild. Not containing a label, it is expressed with a sense of inner knowing. Knowledge is based on the already known, but knowing is what's real right there and then. The self is a vessel for the expression, not the owner of it. And so we become a vehicle for wisdom rather than knowledge.

Imagine if we spoke and communicated from this place all the time. There's a word for it in India - Satsang. It means "in the company of truth." To sit in a group of a few or many, when whoever speaks is invited to do so from a place of inner freedom and authenticity, it is so liberating. I've experienced this many times. It is amazing. It tends to open the heart to what we are truly made of - Love. Peace comes if we see ourselves and others as we are, if we accept differences rather than force a separation from others by judging. This opens the heart, which the world needs so much more of.

This power is in our hands.

The realm we live in is really just a playground for us, all the souls who have chosen to take form on Earth. This is a fantastic place to learn, to fulfill our purpose, to love and grow. Amazing how we complicate things, us humans. We get wrapped up in the game of it, which may kill the inspiration of spirit, suffocate it in the dense illusion of matter, a blanket over the spark which brought us here. Healing, love, laughter and letting go, as well as allowing pain, fear, hurt etc, will funnel us back to the core of who we are, every single time. It's easy to be so serious about life. As we know, it will end one day in this form. We will probably be sad on our death bed if look back and find that all we did was being serious and bogged down by the details of life. Rich or poor. Sick or healthy. Happy or sad. There are miserable people in every arena, as well as joyously open ones. It's amazing how that inner joy really doesn't depend on outer circumstances. Someone may say it's easy for me to say who have a great home, a family who loves me, fantastic kids, a wonderful husband, passions, security. Then again, that is precisely why I can say it. See, I've had moments of feeling useless, worthless, not confident, so afraid and restricted, despite having all of that. I had to learn to love myself in order to appreciate the richness of life, because the things or people could never fully do that. Then when I began to truly heal, an immense gratitude for all the gifts I'm surrounded by, began to rise. Like bubbles of joy in my heart and consciousness. A wonderful life, in all its aspects, begins with that spark, that open heart of who we are.

The power of manifestation!

We are all creators of our lives, but it is not a power coming from the thinking mind. Ideas may be nourish there, but the energy of our creations comes from a much wider and deeper place. In my experience, the delicate balance between clear vision and letting go makes such a difference in our ability to manifest. To try and control the outcome may actually propel us away from it. To see it, feel it, envision it, even smell it, but then let go and allow, it opens the channel for the mysterious force of life itself, meeting our wishes in the best possible way. We may have to look ourselves in the mirror at one point, removing obstacles we have internally put in the way of us creating what we wish for. So healing may take place, if we embrace it, just to open for the wonder we have so beautifully envisioned. It may not appear in the way we thought it would, either. If not, it will most likely be something better. Keep ears and eyes open. The key is to be clear and detailed, and then let go. 

This is what life has taught me.

In the midst of tiredness something so divine, something exquisite, may be effortlessly found. For me, in this very moment it is brought here by birdsong. Clear soothing notes, touching my depth. Traveling through shifts in the wind, it feels near. I catch my breath in awe, stopping, allowing. The stillness is profound. My soul is alive and shining, like the sun, all while my body needs rest. How often haven't I judged it as wrong, to do nothing. When, very likely, it is in such a state we can truly recharge our batteries. 

And the emotions, like strings on a guitar. If we forget to play our song, we may get lost in the rush away from it. If we play too hard, it may be noisy and terrible to the ear. But if we take our time. If we play the notes with care and focus, with openness and spirit, we may find a beautiful song at our fingertips. So much so that we melt, embraced by its glorious vibration. Intense at times, unbearable in moments, but never ever ruthless. A melody, a potential, reaching through to the core of our hearts, where healing and light is forever real. 

What a blessed life.

There is a way to look at the world, which is common. A gaze and energy, seeing through our own filter and history, our beliefs and our experiences, good or bad. Years of information gathered and we meet the world from this place, which can hurt or it can serve others and ourselves. Quite well, too. 

Then there's the wider way. 

As the eyes and heart really opens. As a sense of oneness is felt into the core and, more importantly, as what we sense is trusted, a delicate "knowing" may arise from the depth of our soul. Larger than the body/being/person that we are in this life, it's a connection to the divine. The bigger picture may then be seen and felt for what it is, something which can trigger resistance and fear in others. Many amazing truths can be expressed from this place, but it does require integrity, not to mention a deep sense of responsibilty. Such capacity has to be used well. 

An open heart allows it all in. The clear ability to distinguish between energy that just is contra the energy we are leaning on to form an identity and persona, is forever potent. Intuition is the key, not the thoughts from the thinking mind. There are traps because arrogance can play with anybody in such a state, rudely bringing thoughts of gain into these purer parts. It may think we are more or better because we know and see, or it may deny such magnificence. Both born out of fear. A deep love of self may save us, so the ego can't take control. Then again, the journey of any being is perfectly imperfect as it is, even when we sway from this "ultimate path." Our choices serve as reminders, that we are forever free to walk this earth according to our free will. As long as we are willing to meet the consequences of our actions. Our choices are always our own, but with an understanding of the divine - which we are so beautifully in touch with if we allow it - we may choose the higher road more and more. As we do, we may find that we move forward as one. The soul can deliver messages from this place on a basis of sharing, not gaining. On the basis of true trading, not profiting. A way to enhance, not break away. 

And so love can heal the world...

This is my experience: 

A choice can be made in each and every moment. Living in gratitude may be cultivated, despite challenges and other happenings in life. There is no shortcut to a place of such joy, however. To preach it without its true meaning, makes for an artificial idea. Ideas are great, but they go no deeper than the head, which is on top of our shoulders (of course). To be genuine we have to fully feel what is obscuring, covering, holding back the deeper light in us. Out heart has to open and our heart will love, regardless. This is a choice; our journey to this place inside. Rewarding every time, to come back to such freedom. I still get tangled up in fear, anxiety, expectations contra disappointment (of things not turning out the way I wanted) but with awareness the road out is never long. Intense perhaps, but short. And the heart can open like a flower, filled with love, again and again and again. What a wonderful life.

A Happy New Year to All!

Love J

As we speak and connect to others from an honest and genuine place, it is felt. We can "learn how to be", but the best way, I feel, is to express our own uniqueness with less need to impress or achieve, and more sharing who who we truly are. Ironically, this is when we "perform" the best. This is usually when others can truly hear us, not to mention appreciate us. This is what I saw in my son's end of year speech yesterday. I encouraged this, and he delivered. Naturally. Without putting on a show. Only he and what he felt at this particular time in his life. It was felt by everyone, I think. The feed-back was phenomenal. When someone speaks from the heart like that, it is felt. The words have more meaning because so often we can relate then, in one way or another. 

Love love love and Merry Christmas!

Jeanette

An old stubborn part of my mind is chasing something. An acknowledgement, from the outside world, which is not needed to feel fulfilled. This part believes it is, though. It thinks I need permission to be free. I know of it as an illusion, but find it hard to shake. It's as old as my life's journey and beyond. And in the wake of not finding such acknowledgement, resentment awaits. Like a harsh wall, threatening to rise between me and others. Then again, what is different nowadays is that I'm not blind. I see it, taste it, feel it, and aim to let it go. Intensity only means that I am meeting its ugly face, surrendering to love once more. An inquiry as old as the universe, but also as false as fake smiles. Oh, life - a journey ongoing, everlasting, but oh so beautiful. 

Love, always at its core, embraces. 

Happy December everyone!

Jeanette

Life has brought me in all sorts of directions lately, so I haven't had time to write on here for a while. As for this moment, the sun is shining and I have a few insights to share. 

Yesterday I felt nausea and was suffering from quite a throbbing headache. I was tired, but also I felt drained. I knew I had to take it easy, but not by using any form of media or other lazy stimulant. So in the afternoon I lay down on our outside couch, and totally relaxed. I was comfortable. Birds were singing and the air was warm as I began to breathe, deeply and consciously, to release any tension. So much so that I eventually couldn't feel my physical body at all. Instead I became aware of my authentic presence inside my body, a part which I sense is eternal. 

I lay absolutely still, not even a fingertip was moving. The sense of reaching beyond any pain or discomfort was now pertinent, in particular as I asked the angelic realm for assistance. The only thing still moving was my own breath, deeply and gently, in and out of my body in even, relaxing waves. After a few minutes of this a tingling was felt, and after that I lost track of time. Still, I had to pick my son up in town so the alarm was already set for just after five, which meant I had 35 minutes up my sleeve. 

I stayed in this position for the entire time, just to open my eyes as the alarm went off; the headache now gone as well as the nausea, completely and utterly. A feeling of healing and vitality filled my entire being and as I rose, the discomfort didn't return. It was over.

This reminded me of the tremendous power we have within; as we open, as we let go and become still. How glorious! For it is free! Available at all times and part of who we are! It may take a bit of practice to connect in this way, but it is there inside everyone. I'm sure of it. To stop and stay still may sound so simple, but nevertheless. In my experience it is deeply profound.

Worth a try! Any day!

All the best, 

Jeanette

This is my experience: 

The absolute best gift we can give ourselves and others is to honor whatever passion, joy and truth we have in the depth of our being. To love every part as it is. To allow healing and changes as they occur within that love, to naturally happen. Ah, what treasures to behold. As an opening to a wider consciousness takes place, we may find that we are forever supported by life itself. We are the creators, first by our initiation and then by letting go. The contradictions of the universe are many. By being respectful to who we truly are, by honoring what we promise ourselves and others, virtues holding any soul to a high standard, is a privilege. Not a standard of a "high horse", but a place of love. Honesty and integrity are tools on such a journey. The light inside may then be brought forth, so all else can fall away. In the shadow of our being may we love love love, not only in the light. May forgiveness be the door we walk through, to find what is hidden within such a blessed act of Grace.

All is here, in this moment of existence. All is here.

As advice is given in a moment of openness, the best way to receive it (in my experience) is to listen carefully, but not take the words literally. Instead, let them inspire. Let the words bring the best out of our own expression. It means meeting another soul on equal ground. The ego can diminish as our soul is free to speak from such inspiration, brought to the forefront by the truth of another. A truth, by the way, that is the same at the ultimate core, only different in its outer form. 

Everyone is a student and a teacher, for the journey of life is one of learning and sharing. Leaders will see leaders in the eyes of those following them. Followers will be touch not only by the strength, but by the vulnerability and honesty of any leader who have overcome their need to dominate, and found a way to truly serve. 

We are different, yet the same. We have different ways to contribute, through the depth of our heart, our skill, passion and joy. As we recognize such expression, in ourselves and others, the steep walls of separation may fall away. Helping us, meeting as one.

And so, beyond the outer edges of body and mind, revealing the infinite, the ego may find the courage to step aside. Surrendering, like leaves to the current, opening itself to a wider depth. Light can then lead the way. Rose pedals, red like the color of love, filling the spaces in between. Forever equal, magnificent and tender, it's time to fully celebrate,

and come home. 

To live a life of constant surrender, is an act of Grace. To follow the passions of heart. To let go of all effort. To just turn up in life. It requires much of the ego yet very little of the soul.  

Integrity is needed, and openness. Without courage, it is hard. Without willingness, impossible. Without love, probably doomed. 

When action comes from inspiration, rather than strive, much can be done with such ease. To allow emotions fully is a path to a glorious state of forgiveness. A birthright every woman and man came to this earth with. 

And so a life of inner peace can evolve and deepen. Not as a constant. Not as a rule. But as a core of each experience. Involved, passionate and completely alive, naturally spreading to others around.