Yesterday I stood in the kitchen, chatting to my son Anton. He's fifteen years old, nearly sixteen. Then suddenly (and it really was quite sudden) I had a vivid and very clear flashback of him being around three - exploring the world, climbing trees, being the curious intense child that he was. Waow. I actually shivered at the memories, out of joy and awe mainly. And I looked at him long and hard, and said (what I assume many parents have done in the past): "How the heck did you grow up so fast?" He smirked and looked at me, sort of blankly at first, but then a particular smile I recognise appeared, in the very corner of his mouth. This is a gesture which means he is happy. He feels loved when he does that. Mothers know such things, I guess. Then for a moment time stood still or perhaps the seconds swirled too fast, I don't know, because I saw before me how he used to run with a giggle on the grass at home, barefoot on short little legs. I saw him lie on the couch drinking out of his bottle at night, slowly falling asleep. 

And then it all went. 

I looked again at this tall adolescent being who in all truth can be quite challenging to deal with at times, but also it is someone I admire. He has become a person in his own right, a brave and clever youngster with the heart in the right place. It just made me smile at myself, for all those times I thought I had failed as a parent.

I clearly remember being fifteen myself. Reminded of all the crazy things we did then, in my desperate search for myself, I shivered yet again. I thought that despite being a bit lazy and a madman at times (in particular on his downhill bike) this boy of ours somehow seems more sensible than I was. Or am I judging myself? In all honesty, being fifteen for me was fun, but oh so confusing. With all the so called threats of media and so forth today - things our youth are into that we weren't - I also feel that perhaps he is better prepared, in particular on an emotional and mental level. Or so I hope. In any case, today I celebrate all my three children and the incredible honour of being their parent.

My boy is becoming a man